Insight into to who I am...

After many many years and people telling me that I need to tell my life story, I finally broke down.

I think nothing special of my self, I think I am like everyone else. But over and over the years, people have told me "Wow, were do you get your strength" or " I look towards you for strength"  and from a few of my doctors " Sartee, you are amazing and you still have a positive out look and laugh".

Wow…what was all these people seeing over the years that I didn't see?

Well, here is a quick run down of my life, if I went into detail lord know we can be here. Just by looking at me, you would not see anything special or noticeable as a matter of fact my look - I'm 8 on the  app that rate people looks, my image betrays as people and friends tell me-high end, I hold a BS degree in Computer Science and I am the running joke in the family that I am a professional student (I love to learn). 

Listening to my friends and strangers, I look like my stuff together and life is good!

But, the true story is…..

I was sexual assaulted

I was in 2 abusive marriages

I have 3 uncurable autoimmune disorder(s) - Sarcoidosis, Fibromyaglia, RA

I suffer from depression and anxiety

I had once double my weight within in a few months due to medication ( I gain an extra 125 lb and I got to experience the life as a very over the weight person). All I am going to say is , society is very mean to over weight people and disable people.

I lost the 125 lb and now I have saggy skin all over my body. I am talking about true saggy skin. LOL

I have 2 children. I have a FOREVER 12 year son, who I lost back 2011 4 days after is birthday. He was playing the choking game. I also have a 21 year daughter who has mental issues, from the death of her brother, the abusive of her father but takesBLAMES ME for everything wrong with her life. She drop out high school 3 month before graduating and ran away from home, all this was done 2 months after my son, her brother past away.

Two years ago, I was diagnose with PTSD..oh great, like I don't have enough health issues.

Last year, all my teeth decided to fall out within a year due to the meditation was giving…Once again,…Oh, hell..really? My teeth?

To top things off, I was  diagnose  trigeminal nerve The suicide disease….COOOMMMMMEE OON!

I know my faith says, that God will NOT put no more on you then you can handle but sometimes I feel God is trying to kill me LOL.  I see God, has ALOT of FAITH in me and see something that I don't.

Last year, I got married to a wonderful guy who has 2 kids. We had dated 3.5 years so he was with me when my son past, we were only 5 months in dating. My husband, step up to the plate at the funnel and told me " He will always be her for me". Some how those words were so magical to me… I was so lost in my faith, the world, myself.

As I said, I can go on and on about my life….but as of today, I still do the BIG cheese smile (even with missing teeth, I tried to smile different but I found out it's not me, why should I change), still optimistic and still have my faith, which  has gotten stronger.

I am still the free spirited person, just with new clean glasses on when viewing the world.

To everyone who reads, I see you….

XOXO

SRM

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